Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays everyone! Its been a crazy few weeks for me, I made the move back to the mainland to be closer to the family and it has been GREAT! I've been telling myself I was going to blog about a few things but then found myself running around trying to get everything done before the holidays and they just got put on hold! But don't worry, I'm ready to write again. So on the upcoming blog posts, I'll be talking about traveling ( because I've done a LOT of that lately) My new marathon training program, and a new project I'm working on! See you soon!

Days 4..5..& oh oh

The Hawaiian word to describe delicious food or that craving for delicious food is Ono - pronounced OH NO... its no wonder! Ok so here's the deal, eating out all the time is NOT as easy as I thought I could make it! Not only do I have so little control as to what goes into my meals in terms of salt and stuff, but I also seem to be lacking the self control the past few days. Sticking to this challenge has been HARD. When everyone around me is snacking on food, i feel like I need to snack too and one of the worst side effects of not eating the food I'm use to is that those processed carbs and very little veggies don't keep you full for long. The past few days I've been tired, sluggish, cranky, puffy ( from all the salt) and HUNGRY... not a great way to spend time with family and friends. The only good part about this all is that every meal, I have been giving away the extra food to someone who needs one. I could have easily not said anything on my blog about this, knowing full well that people are reading this but then that wouldn't be being honest with myself. Here's the deal people, First, old habits die hard. It didn't take much for me to go from flax seed and tofu to greasy salty frosted CRAP. The food has made me physically ill and yet I continued to eat it anyway. That is a HUGE wake up call for me. It is so easy to slip back into those old patterns. I spent 23 years of living my life that way and have only had 9 months to practice the new ones. The difference between then and now is that now, i know i have to regain control and I know I have the strength and skills to do it. Tomorrow is a new day for me, one that could be filled with wise choices or poor choices but ultimately they are my choice. Tomorrow I am choosing to make wise choices and learn from my mistakes of the past few days. Second - What an eye opener to how food effects my body. I went from eating whatever whenever to being on a strict calorie counting eating plan and have only strayed a handful of times ( and only in the past few weeks). It wasn't until eating virtually every dinner out that I was conscious of feeling things like how quickly processed carbs make you feel hungry, what a sugar crash feels like, how fat and meat products can make you feel sluggish, and how the salt in your food leaves you thirsty and craving more salty foods. Lastly, sleep has been a huge issue.. i'm not getting enough of it which is why i am behind on emails, voicemails and blog posts... and it is also why I'm falling asleep at my computer. Its time for sleep so I can start off the day with a clean slate! NITE!!!

Day three

Ok so on day three, I ate out two meals. The first meal was a veggie burger and water, I ate the entire thing so there was no left overs but I forgot the camera in the car so there was no picture either. For dinner that night, we ate at a place that it would be unacceptable to whip out a camera and take a picture of my plate so I'll tell you what I had. I was served 8oz of farikaki ( sesame and seaweed) Mahi Mahi , a cup of baby bok choy and a cup of rice and a side salad. I ate 4oz of MahiMahi, all the bok choy and half the rice and all of the salad ( NO DRESSING).

Dinner two!

So tonight I ate dinner out and I had grilled tuna with fresh garlic ( prepared with no salt or oil on my request), brown rice and a side salad. The meal came with two cups of rice and 8oz of tuna so when I portioned it, I packed away a cup of rice and 4oz of tuna which was given to a very grateful woman and I was left with a healthy dinner!

day one meal one!

So tonight was the first meal out and I had sushi. The nice thing about sushi is that most places let you order specific pieces which is ideal for portion control. I ordered only what i knew i should eat and so there was no leftovers. Now tomorrow I will be making my own breakfast and lunch but will be eating dinner out and will have the opportunity to start the project. On a side note, it was amazing seeing my mom today. What a reminder of just how far I have come!!!

Half My Plate - a project of control and compassion

My mom is coming to visit me in Hawaii on Tuesday for two whole weeks and I couldn't be more excited. We will be doing a lot of traveling while she's here so that means a lot of eating out. That could mean bad news for someone who counts her calories like its a religion. We all have gone out to eat before and so you know that most of the portions we are served are 2-3 times larger than what we should be eating. As a strategy to keep my portions under control, before a single piece of food touches my fork, I portion out my food and whatever is left over, i don't touch. That is a lot of waisted food, food that could be feeding someone who needs a meal. Hawaii is a beautiful place but beyond the white sandy beaches are a large population of homeless people who probably couldn't remember the last time they ate a meal. When I started thinking about my mom's visit, I started thinking about all the food that I would be waisting when it could go to good use. It has inspired me to start a project. Starting Tuesday, for every meal I eat out, I will portion my plate and put the extras in a to go box before I ever take a bite, and then give my extra portions to the first person in need of a meal I see when I leave and I'm going to document it all with pictures and video and post it on my blog. Not only do I hope it will inspire others to help feed those who are hungry but I also hope that it will encourage you to take a look at your portions next time you eat out. I hope you follow me on my two week journey of sharing half my plate!!

NYNL - I haven't forgot!

So I know I didn't post my weight this weekend, its been crazy around here with the knee and all. Things are going well, I've been working hard and finding ways to burn calories. I hopped around a native plants nursery on crutches for 3 hours and it was a blast! I also have been doing lots of crunches... loads of them haha Food has been good, I've been extra careful about what I'm eating. Today was my high calorie day, I had fresh made poi from my new friend at the nursery... if you've ever made poi, you'd know what a labor intensive process it is because you have to pick the taro, harvest the root, clean cook and peel it, then pound it and I felt honored that he gave me some... ok enough about my new nursery friend!! I also had a piece of salmon Poke that was Ono'licious! I could have eaten a whole thing of it but instead I just had one bite. High calorie days for me are not about having a free for all, they are about allowing myself a day of food that I wouldn't normally eat within a 2000-1800 calorie range but I still keep my choices healthy and nutritious. My body still needs to function and it cannot function on crap! Fruits, veggies, whole grains and lean proteins - life is good when you keep it simple. I'm going to miss having all these wonderful fruits and veggies right in my back yard year round... I think I'm missing Hawaii before I've even left!

My Knee

ok everyone so a month ago, I injured my knee doing 2 ft step ups, I iced it, rested it and did everything I was supposed to do. I built back up to my regular workout program and yes I probably rushed it a little because of events that were going on at the time and I was pushing extra hard to be ready for the half marathon November 8th. I wanted to have my best running time! Flash forward to last night, I finished work at 6pm, changed into my running clothes, put in my nike+chip and started running and was feeling great. 4 miles into my 10 mile run my knee gives out and I feel SNAP with a rush of pain, I tried walking it off but after three steps I knew that this was not a "walk it off" kinda moment. Fortunately, I was only a few streets away from home so I hobbled into the house and got ice right away. 20min. I went to the ER because I knew my knee was beyond just ice. The Staff at Kapiolani Women's hospital were SO SOO SOOOO amazing. My nurse is a marathon runner and everyone was so compassionate and on their A game in that ER. Unfortunatly the news they had to give me was not so great. I have a torn ligament and need to go see a specialist about getting it repaired. I am on no weight baring restrictions. I have crutches and a knee stabilizer and there will be no running in my life for a really long time. They said once I get it looked at, they can give me a better idea but said don't plan on running for the rest of the year. While it sucks... BIG TIME... I still am on a weight loss journey and I still have a long way to go. This is just a little bump in the road... I may not be able to run or walk or swim right now but that just means I'm going to have to get creative! I'll keep everyone updated and thank you so much for all the well wishes and encouragement!

Recipes as Promised

Don't worry, there is more to come but let me just put out there as a reminder for anyone who wasn't around for the first round of recipes, I have included the calorie count in () for each ingredient. All of my recipes are one serving until I state otherwise in the serving size. I do not cook with salt but with LOTS of flavor so try it without the salt first and then season later if you want to. I eat vegetarian so my recipes use tofu, you can sub most of the tofu for meat but you will have to change the calorie count. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO COOK WITH SPICES AND HERBS! If you haven't touched yours in the last 6 months, throw it out because its old and has lost most of its flavor. There is no reason to be eating bland food! If you think its pricey, think of it this way, the money you would have been spending on processed flavor cover ups like ketchup, mustard, salad dressings, FF mayo, you are now investing in spices to make your food actually taste better, not cover it up! I have more recipes coming and am always looking for new challenges so if you have a favorite food that you want a low calorie nutrient dense alternative, let me know and I'll take it on as a project!! Happy healthy clean eating everyone! Dill Quinoa Salad 1c cooked quinoa"follow box for cooking directions (254) 1tsp EVOO (40) 2Tbs apple cider vinegar (2) 2Tbs chopped onion (5) 1/4tsp dill 1/4tsp garlic powder (1) 1/4c low fat Fetta Cheese (60) 1/4c tomato (8) 2c romaine lettuce ( 14) Mix evoo, vinegar dill onion and some cracked pepper in a bowl, add quinoa mix, add tomatoes mix, add cheese mix. Serve over romaine lettuce! Eat right away or let it sit overnight! You can add other veggies like olives, artichoke hearts, capers, peppers or whatever you want just adjust the calories! Quinoa is a grain that is also a complete protein to it serves as both your protein ( along with the fetta) and as your whole grain! You can find it in your regular grocery store or at any wholefoods or trader joes! Serving size - 1 Total calories 384 Wasabi mashed cauliflower 1 cup cauliflower(28) 1Tbs plain greek Yogurt (12) 1/2Tbs Fat free milk (4.5) 1/2tsp Wasabi paste (2) Boil 1 cup cauliflower Drain and mash Whip in 1Tbs plain greek Yogurt, 1/2Tbs Fat free milk and 1/2tsp Wasabi paste. Add more milk if you want a thinner consistency Serving size - 1 Total Calories- 46.5 Tofu Pancake batter 3oz silken soft or firm tofu (45) 1 slice low carb whole grain bread (35) 1 egg ( 70) Add slice of bread to food processor and pulse into crumbs. Add tofu and egg and blend until a smooth batter. Add seasoning and adjust calories if you add fruit. Heat a nonstick skillet sprayed with Pam. Pour batter in pan, allow it to set and flip! Serving size - 1 Total Calories 150 For a sweet pancake season with Cinnamon, nutmeg, clove or even fruit like blueberries or banana - Top with fruit or yogurt for a high protein breakfast. For savory pancake, add garlic and onion powder, chili pepper, peprika, dill, Mrs. dash... sky's the limit - Try topping them with grilled veggies or meat ( chicken onions peppers and a tbs of BBQ sauce is one of my favorites but now I skip the chicken!) Steamed Garlic Ginger tofu and broccoli 3oz extra firm tofu ( 45) 2 garlic cloves ( 5) 1Tbs fresh ginger ( 2) 2c broccoli (60) Press extra firm tofu to drain liquid. Dice 2 gloves of garlic and 1 tbs of fresh ginger into a paste ( don't be afraid to buy fresh ginger, cut off what you need and freeze the rest in a ziplock bag.) Cube your tofu and add to a bowel. Toss with ginger , garlic and pepper and let marinate - at least an hour but if you have time leave it over night. Add 2cups broccoli to a ziplock steam bag place tofu on top. Place on high in the microwave for 8 min. and then eat! To make a complete meal, try making bulgar wheat with your meal instead of brown rice. bulgar wheat is less processed, higher in protein and more nutrient dense than brown rice! You can also sub chicken for tofu, just be sure to change the calorie counts and cooking time! Serving size- 1 Total Calories - 112 Creamy black rice with wild mushrooms 1/4c black sticky rice ( 180) 1/2c dehydrated mushrooms (20) 2 laughing cow lite cheese wedges ( 70) Soak dehydrated mushrooms in water for 2 hours and save the liquid! Rinse and drain 1/4c of rice. Add 3/4c of the liquid to a pot with the rice, cover and boil until rice is tender. Dice hydrated mushrooms and add to cooked rice. Add two laughing cow galric and herb lite cheese wedges to the pot and stir. SUBSTITUTIONS FOR THIS - This one you will need a trader joes or an asian market for dehydrated wild mushrooms. Check your yellow pages for the closes asian market to find "black sweet rice" or "black sticky rice" which is the same thing. If you can't find it, then substitute brown rice. If you cannot find dehydrated wild mushrooms, get fresh ones, you only need a cup of diced fresh mushrooms - cook them in the pan before making the rice. Serving size - 1/2 cup Calories per serving Spicy almonds I get tired of the same old almonds over and over so I started playing around with the spices and came up with these yummy combos that add a pick me up to stir frys, snacks salads and soups! Heat skillet on high. Mix your spices ahead of time. place almonds in the hot pan, quickly spray the almonds with Pam to coat them evenly. Sprinkle seasoning on the almonds. Stir the almonds quickly to make sure they do not burn. You will be able to smell the nuts getting warm and you will smell your seasoning - thats when you take the pan off the stove and let the almonds cool. Store them in a ziplock bag. Make lots of small batches until you find what flavors you like, you can even turn it into a family competition on who can come up with the best/most unique flavor combos! You can make ANY mix you want to flavor your almonds, these are some of my favorites so just play around with them until you find what you like. Paprika, garlic powder, onion powder and Cayenne pepper with a dash of Mrs Dash Cayenne pepper and Cinnamon Rosemary, garlic powder and Thyme Cinnamon, clove and nutmeg Garlic and onion power, chili powder And garlic powder, ginger powder and Chinese 5 spice!

NYNL- 34lbs to go!

I lost 6lbs in 4 days WOOHOO!! I know some of it is water weight from a the crap food i had scarfed down the weekend before but I'll take it! 34lbs to go!!!!

NYNL - The Weight of the Scale

Now I weigh myself EVERY day so I know there will be no surprises. I know everyone has their own opinion on how often you should weigh yourself, i like knowing EXACTLY where I am each day... now having said that I must make something very clear about my life in the past 3 months. I have developed a full blown obsession with the scale. My morning routine consists of waking up and stepping on the scale, going to the bathroom then stepping on the scale, getting in the shower then stepping on the scale, eating breakfast then... yep, stepping on the scale. That was JUST from 7am-8am. Throughout the day, any chance I get, I will go weigh myself, before lunch, after lunch, when I come home from work, before I leave for work. And I'm not just talking about hopping on the scale, I go full blown strip down, weigh myself, get dressed and then leave. I knew it was overboard but I didn't identify it as unhealthy until I went away for a weekend and realized two things. First, I thought about weighing myself so much that every where i went, i asked if they had a scale ( I even went to Target, unwrapped a scale, took off my shoes in the store and weighed myself) and Second if it wasn't a "problem" then why did i feel the need to hide it from everyone? It didn't take long at all to go from the woman who avoided the dr's at all costs just because I knew they would want to weigh me to a woman who couldn't stand the thought of not knowing how much I weighed. I knew that people with food addictions have compulsive tendencies. I know , even though I was not raised with the presence of my father, that he and his side of the family all suffer from drug and alcohol addictions and on my mom's side, pretty much everyone has an eating issue or a smoking issue ( some have BOTH) so what I'm saying is I come from a long line of people with addictive behaviors. I also know that its really common for people to move from one compulsion to the next... I just never saw my scale as my new addiction until now. I know I must set limits for myself, just like I do with my food. I know how much food I can allow myself to eat and i know when its time to eat and when its not. Now I must use the same rules for my scale. I can weigh myself every morning ... once! I then am putting my scale away for the day until the next morning. It might sound silly to have to make a PLAN to put away a scale but whats not silly is how fast this unhealthy habit has crept into life. I am 100% committed to living a healthy life and that means, for me, a life not controlled by addiction. I have a long way to go and it seems like every day i take one step in the right direction, my list of things I need to work on grows by ten. I guess the good out of it all is as long as I keep moving forward, eventually I will get to where I wanna be.

NYNL- a Gift for myself

Today I work a double shift woohoo...not! I am just about to cook my lunch and dinner to take with me. I've decided that I am going to pick Sunday as my weigh in day and I'll be taking a pic of the scale to show my progress ( thanks gayle) I weigh myself everyday so I can already tell you this week is going to be HUGE numbers. I started my weight loss journey at 426 lbs. I started this Challenge at 266 and I will end it at 226. Today has been about preparing for me, preparing my body for a long day, preparing my meals to keep on track and preparing my mind to stay focused on where I need to keep my thoughts right now. Having a lot of time to think at work often leads to me getting distracted by the drama in life and today I am making a commitment to myself to not let my mind go there. Today I am giving myself the gift of freedom from thoughts of doubt. What gift can you give yourself today?

NYNL - first post Taking Back the Control

This challenge is not just about weight loss for me, its about working through the "stuff" that is in my way right now of succeeding so my posts are not only going to be about my food and workouts, but also about the emotional workouts I'll be doing along the way. Today is day one of the challenge and my food has been spot on, i'm even back on track recording everything in my food journal at mytrainerbob.com, something I had drifted away from. I sat down yesterday and did some number crunching. I calculated my basic metabolic rate - the calories I eat and that is my calorie deficit without working out. I then figured out on average how many lbs I needed to lose per a week to reach my goal X 3500 because thats how many cals in a lb. then subtracted my BMR calorie deficit and that told me exactly how many calories I need to burn in my workouts... i know it sounds a little complicated but its really not. This gave me a good starting place for where I need to be shooting for daily. So now I am back to having a daily plan. I seek comfort in knowing that I have a direction to move towards. Today I have been doing a lot of thinking about the past. Somewhere in my life, I learned that your past had to dictate everything you did in your future and for the first time today, I realized that it does not! Because I made mistakes in the past does not mean I must make the same mistakes in the future, because I was a bad friend in the past does not mean I need to be a bad friend in the future, because I had low standards for myself in the past does not mean I need to keep those standards in my future. And the best part about it is that yesterday is my past, the beginning of this blog is my past, EVERY second we are given the opportunity to start over. Its just a matter of us taking that opportunity and moving forward or ignoring it and waisting time dwelling on things you cannot change or do over. I have the opportunity to learn from the past but not let it dictate my future and my future is now. It is a powerful place to be in when you decide to take control of all aspects of your life, not just one or two and so today I am celebrating taking back the control in my own life.

New Year New Life Challenge!

After a rough few weeks, I am back to being focused on what really matters in life, me! 48 hours ago I was convinced that life as i knew it had ended and yet I woke up yesterday morning thinking... and thats a bad thing why?!!? I cannot have the life I thought i wanted when I was 426lbs because that life and that way of thinking no longer fits my reality and waking up embracing and not fighting those changes made me realize just how far I have come. It also got me to thinking about where I want to go in the future. I want a lot for myself and I can have all of it if I let myself. There is more to this than just weight loss, there is more to this than changing pant sizes or eating habits, I'm changing my life and am just now starting to recognize it in areas I had previously ignored. Having said that, I am 40 lbs away from hitting the 200lb weight loss mark. I don't even remember when I lost my first 100, I didn't celebrate it or mark it down on the calendar or even share it with my friends and family. Reaching the 200lb mark in itself is enough to celebrate but what I am really looking forward to is celebrating my start at finding myself and embracing my new life. I have challenged myself to lose 40lbs by Jan. 1st so that I can celebrate my new life, my new milestone with the New Year. I've been really bad at allowing others into my life to support me and I want everyone to know that I accept your encouragement and support and ask that you join me to celebrate. I will keep everyone up to date on my progress on my blog and hope that you take time to challenge yourself now too. It feels good to be back to where I need to be and I look forward to my future!

Here's to a path of self discovery, a path to a healthy life and embracing all that life has!

Searching for Pono

There is a hawaiian word Pono that means the balance in life that we should strive for. When things are Pono in your life, you live in balance with yourself and others... I am in need of Pono. I used to think that living my life in balance meant that I got everything I wanted all at once and THAT was balance. That I'd have the right job, the right friends and that everything would be just the way I wanted it. That is not balance, that is having everything you want. Being in balance is being ok with the things that are not how you want them and working to make them better. Balance is not when I put myself on one end of the scale and everything else on the other side and try and make them level out, balance is when I put myself in the center and put everything else underneath me and if it supports me, I keep it, if not, I get rid of it. Balance should NOT be a daily struggle for me, if it is, its because of myself not because of life. I choose to keep and get rid of what I feel I need and do not need - be it food, habits, relationships and invest my time in improving the things that I want to work on like a career, finances and health. There is just only so much I can control and what I do control I need to make sure I am defining it properly. Had I not realized that I was waisting my time looking for a "balance" that does not exist, I woulda spent the rest of my life searching for Pono instead of living in Pono. Today I stopped searching and started living.

The Starvation Diet for Toxic Friends

I asked the question "Why do we keep toxic people in our lives?" its a question thats been on my mind for awhile now and I think I've come up with a pretty good answer so this is my response... i think we keep them around because we find a false sense of self worth through them. they are usually the people who "need" a therapist, a dumping ground, a friend of convenience. They can spot us a mile away, As people who often care about others more than we care about ourselves, they know we will place their needs above ours and they drain us mentally, physically and emotionally. When you've got nothing left to give them, they move on. They are the friend who comes into your life as quickly as they move out, the friend that leaves you feeling like you can never give them enough, the friend who leaves you guessing on where you stand with them on a day to day basis, the friend that demands your full attention at every waking moment and yet lacks the time for you. We've all had them in our lives, some more than others. I am the first to admit that i've had quite a few of these toxic people and the only way in the past that I got rid of them is when they've taken all they can and move on. I've defended them up to the very last second despite the damage they have caused and in the end, promised myself I'd never fall for it again only to find myself making the same mistakes. I never knew what it would take to rid myself of these people until now and the answer has nothing to do with them and everything to do with ourselves. The process to finding self worth is not easy and it does not happen over night. I've been building my foundation for awhile now and only recently has the 'cement' settled and hardened to let me start building up. I've realized that i felt a false sense of worth in spinning my tires with these people but it is a waist of time when my energy could be spent on my own happiness. Their need to "feed" on my insecurities is their own problem and I am no longer willing to keep feeding them. I'm putting the toxic people in my life on a starvation diet so they have no choice but to move on. My self worth is no longer measured in how much of myself I can give others but rather how much of myself I can give me. Find your self worth within you and put those toxic friends on a starvation diet. Forgive yourself for allowing you to be used and move on. Its ok to have pity on those who will starve, just don't feed them! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkIytHD5v9c

My garden deserves flowers too

This Blog is in response to a blog posted by Kristin Steede http://www.kristinsteede.com/blog/2009/10/04/oppsi-did-it-again/#comments

Why do we always find the time to tend to everyone Else's garden and let everything in our own wither away? I am a CONSTANT tender of everyone Else's garden. I try and solve every one's problems, check in on my friends daily if not even hourly, and go out of my way to make sure everyone is happy but I can't say I've ever done the same for myself. Yes, I think a lot of it has to do with avoidance. If I'm distracted by everyone Else's needs and trying to fulfill them, then I don't have to be concerned with the problems in my own life. I struggle with seeing myself as worthy of my own time. I'd bend over backwards and move mountains for anyone in my life and I've taken it on as a full time job to be friend/therapist/business entrepreneur/ weight loss coach/ personal motivator/ problem solver to everyone. There are a lot of things 8 months ago I could never have said I felt worthy of that now I can but I'd be lying if I said i could make that a blanket statement in my life. I'm 23 years old and 5 days ago for the first time in my life,I said out loud that my happiness was now a priority in my life. What a huge eye opener it was at how low I had valued myself when just simply saying" I am choosing to put myself first" was both painful and uncomfortable. Its not easy and by no means is it any more comfortable but I do know this, I am worth a lot more in life and worth spending a lot more time tending to my own garden. I'm tired of watching everyone else's flowers in life bloom and being disappointed that mine are not... you want a flower to grow, you need to water it and take care of it. I want to grow as a person, I need too spend time tending to me and my needs. My garden deserves flowers too and now its up to me to grow them. I look forward to MANY beautiful flowers in my future!

Embrace You

I know I've been bad at blogging lately but i've been reinspired to keep writing. There's something odd going on in my life, a constant undercurrent of discontentment and for the longest time, I kept telling myself that there was something wrong with me. I mean losing weight and trying to live a healthy lifestyle is supposed to bring about happiness right? so then why do I find myself ALWAYS searching, always feeling like there is somewhere to be moving to, some void needing to be filled. Its something that has been on my mind for weeks now and it really wasn't until a long walk under a full moon that it all really made sense to me. Was there something wrong with me? Could it be that I am incapable of being satisfied with my life? The truth of what is happening is farthest from what I initially thought. Life before weight loss i learned to settle for a lot of things included sub par standards for myself, less then adequate happiness and unmeasurable amounts of self confidence. Its from years of not seeing my self worth, believing I deserved less and not knowing the difference. So why am I always searching now at a time of my life when I'm on top of my game? SIMPLE, because I stopped settling. I've reached a point in this process of self discovery that comes with the weight loss where my life now no longer resembles the life I had before and with each new lesson, each new discovery, I evolve as a person. With each new phase in my life has come higher standards, higher expectations for my mind, my body and my spirit. Am I in a constant state of discontent? NO, I simply learned to recognize new areas in my life that need improvement and work to improve them and the stronger I get in mind body and soul, the higher I set my standards for myself and my happiness. Don't be afraid of evaluating your own standards in life, embrace each phase of self discovery and celebrate the moments when you no longer settle for less.

Today I am struggling, today I am fighting

Today I am struggling with food, I've been stressed out and if there is one HUGE trigger for me, its stress. To add on top of it, I am in the middle of a full blow Lupus flair up which has me sick, exhausted and in pain. My mind is telling me that i need to eat to pull up my energy because thats what I've conditioned it to do, to respond to the energy level but its the lupus that has me drained, not low calorie counts. And to add on top of that, i am on steroids that throw your hunger switch on and won't release it... Everything in my head is telling me to act on the impulse to eat. Today is going to be a full blown all out bloody battle that even I am not sure I will win but I do know it will be a battle I will fight. Never let your circumstances become your excuses and NEVER EVER give up the fight.

Tune in Thursday to hear Kristin Cathy and I

Tune in to hear Kristin, Cathy and Myself on its your health radio at 9:30am Eastern time at www.itsyourhealthradio.org. It'll be live ( so 3:30am my time AHHH!) Can't wait

Dear Self...

If any of you have read Bob Harper's book " Are You Ready?" then I'm sure you know all about the first few exercises that the book opens up with. One of the most challenging one is to release whatever pain and resentment you have built up inside you towards other people by writing them a letter of forgiveness and acknowledgment of your portion of the responsibility. When you carry all of that pain around with you, you just stop yourself from being able to achieve what you want and deserve in life so I put real serious thought into my letters and just started writing. What came out shocked even me. I wrote over 30 letters and with each one, went through an entire range of emotions from anger to sadness to grief and everything in between. I wrote letters to friends I have wronged, friends who wronged me, to family members I had strained relationships with and even a letter to a father who abandoned me. I was careful and deliberate with each word I wrote down, making sure i didn't write anything I didn't truly feel in my heart. I felt a HUGE weight lifted off my spirit when I was finished and have ever since that day, worked hard to live up to the forgiving nature of each one of those letters but of all the ones I wrote,the hardest was the one to myself. I haven't thought about that letter to myself since the day I wrote it until tonight when it popped into my head while I was running to clear my mind tonight, as I often do. I've been struggling with a LOT of things this past month and no matter how hard I've been trying, I can't seem to get rid of this dark cloud that keeps following me. I've been carrying every rock in the road onto my back and carrying it along with me and then been wondering why I'm being weighed down. Tonight when I thought of the letter I wrote to myself, I knew that that was the answer I was looking for, I needed forgiveness for myself for all the bumps I've hit and stop carrying them around with me. I wrote another letter to myself tonight after my run and set free in the ocean. There is no once and done in weight loss, I'm sure there will be many more letters to myself and its NEVER too late to let go of whatever you've been holding on to

Making Waves

If you haven't noticed, I've been avoiding my blog... the past few weeks have been a series of ups and downs - less ups and more downs. I've been having a hard time staying focused and making my life balanced. Yes, I've been losing weight but that's just about the ONLY good thing I've been doing.I am dangerously close to hitting the 150lb weight loss mark (just 2 lbs to go)... a time I should be celebrating but instead, the closer I got to 150, the harder I struggled. I struggled to keep myself focused, i struggled to drop the weight, and I struggled with A LOT of self doubt. 150 is a lot of weight by any one's standards... and I'm very proud that I've worked hard to get here but there are 150 more to go and my mind started questioning if I was strong enough to make it. After all, these past 2 weeks have been hell and if this is what the next 150 have to bring me, I just wasn't sure if I could do it. That self doubt put my train on full speed to fly off track. The scary part about it all is that it really didn't take much for me to get off track - it started with switching my workout routine- I avoided circuit training with the new program EVERY strength training day, and soon I found myself skipping meals, not recording parts of my day in my food journal and yes, I even had a binge on chocolate. I hadn't told anyone I was struggling, not even the person I tell EVERYTHING to, my mom. I felt like i was losing all control and FAST! I kept telling myself I didn't know what to do. I reached my breaking point on Friday, I finally broke my silence. I've felt emotionally raw, totally lost and in a daze so I knew I had to go to the one place I knew I could find clarity... the ocean. I am at peace when I am in the water and that peace gives my soul time to reconnect with my body, it allows me to connect with my inner compass. I noticed something today, No matter how many footprints and pebbles litter the sand, with a little patience the waves always come to wash them away, leaving new sand behind, alot like life. I used to wait for a wave strong enough to come, a wave of recognition of my success from others, a complement, achievement at any cost, to wash away the foot prints and pebbles left by my struggles and challenges. I left the beach today with a strong sense of clarity and direction and a rekindled sense of determination. The next 150 lbs will be hard, but so were the first 150 and I got through it. I don't need to wait any more for a wave to come by and wash them away for me, today I realized I can make my own waves just by trusting myself and my own strength, trusting the process and never losing sight of my inner compass. There will be bumpy days, days that really just suck and its those days that we need to stop standing on the beach waiting for a wave and just make one of our own!

Starving

I spent some time this Sunday tie dying some old workout shirts with bleach and had a blast! It had been so long since Ive done anything just fun and creative and it really made me think... Every day I eat well balanced meals, I plan them out, count their calories, cook them with the best ingredients and record them in my food journal. My meals are always satisfying.. but wait, this blog is about starving right? Anyone who's ever made a transition to a healthy lifestyle knows, we spend so much time feeding our bodies but how much time do we take to feed our souls? We all know our bodies need nourishment to function but so does our souls. Our souls need laughter, joy and peace to thrive, not just survive! Take time to feed your soul today, start an art project, play a game with your family, laugh at loud with a funny movie anything that gives you a little piece of joy to nourish your soul.

Step it up and work it out!

I don't know about you but I can't hardly wait for the new season of Biggest Loser to come on. Not only am I in need of a Bob Harper fix but I just can't wait to see what kind of personalities are on this season. I've watched every episode of every season since its inception and am still in awe of the change this program has brought people on and off the show.. um like ME!!! I've been talking to alot of people and they are all saying the same thing- I watch the biggest loser from my couch with one hand in a bag of chips and the other wrapped around some fast food. I used to be that person too but you don't have to be and you don't have to wait to change it! Kristin and Cathy from last season's Biggest Loser has started a campaign called Step it Up Work it Out. It allows you t make the commitment to yourself to a healthier lifestyle NOW! This will be my first season of watching the Biggest Loser where I won't be sitting on the couch wishing that was me because this year that IS me. I am the one who is making the changes. Its not magic, its not made for TV its my reality and it can be your reality too. Will you join me in making this your first season watching biggest loser off the couch?!? Lets step it up and work it out!

http://www.kristinsteede.com/blog/challenge-form

Bigger Than a Mountain

There is something bigger than a mountain in weight loss, its bigger than that hill my tree is on and more difficult than any hike I've done before... its the PLATEAU! If you've been on your own weight loss journey, then you probably have had a few of your own. For anyone who doesn't know, a plateau is a period where you stop losing weight. For the first 5 months of me losing weight, it came off quickly and I never really had any bumps in the road. A month ago, I noticed that my weight loss was slowing down a bit but then it got jump-started when I went meat free... that was until the past 2 weeks. Last week I just barely got a loss in after working so hard. It hardly made sense so when I noticed this week the scale wasn't budging at all, I knew I was hitting a plateau. I didn't know what to do, I poured over my food and workout journal, evaluated my workout routines and thought about my sleeping habits - all things that can contribute to a plateau and it just didn't make any sense. In a day, I went from being so focused and so driven to allowing self doubt make me question and second guess myself. I turned to my support group ( we call ourselves the sisterhood) right away looking for some answers. My sisters tag teamed me with messages and emails and phone calls and each one of them, without knowing it, had the same message for me GET FOCUSED! Climbing a mountain takes skill, you need tools to help you, a support system to get over the unstable parts and a focused drive to make it to the top and turn right around and go back down... a weight loss plateau is the same EXACT thing. The best thing about plateaus is that there is a walking path, worn down from all those who's weight loss journey that came before yours, already there for you to follow. Look in your support systems for those who helped ware down that path... I'm so fortunate to have some amazing footsteps to follow over my plateau! Learn some new tools that can help you BEFORE you run into that plateau, use the tools you already have, reach out for your support system to make it and NEVER EVER lose your focus or your drive!

And the Oscar goes to...

Hi everyone!First let me say things went from crazy to INSANE in a blink of an eye so I've had a hard time getting to my blog but I'm glad to say I'm back. Mahalo for being patient!

We've all watched someone win an Oscar, they stand on stage, pull out a piece of paper and thank everyone who's ever helped them get to where they are. They thank the people who stood by them when times were bad, the people who helped them get to the times that were good and everyone in between. Everyone has their own Oscar, a goal weight, a marathon, a move up the career ladder, a life milestone.Why wait until you "win" to thank those who got you to where you are? My mom has been an amazing source of strength and support for me, encouraging me every day with her words and her actions. I am fortunate to have old friends who loved me in my old life style and stuck with me through the transition into the new. And now I have new friends who share my experiences, that can relate to the struggles and share in the triumphs. I have a long list of people to thank and I'm not waiting for an Oscar to thank them! Take some time in your day to reflect on who you'd thank in your Oscar speech and then call them, email them or write to them and let them know! - Thank you for everyone who has encouraged me to write, whos found inspiration in my journey and who have shared their own! Yes you made it on my Oscar list!!

I haven't forgotten

promise I haven't forgotten about you blog! I'll post tonight after work and workout!

perfection

I don't strive for perfection- i just strive to do my best, give my all, and make no excuses. Success in weight loss is not about never eating anything bad or always working out. We are human and we make mistakes, our lives become busy, our priorities shift. Success is in knowing that mistakes will be made, setbacks will come and not every goal will be met right away and being ok with that.... If you strive for perfection you will fail because it does not exists. All you can ask of yourself is to do your best, give your all and make no excuses!

Don't get tunnel vision!

Today a dear friend of mine, who is on her own weight loss journey, asked me what my plans were for the day. I told her my workout plan and my daily challenge that I was to do and she said something that totally took me off guard... She said don't get tunnel vision! At first I was like what is she talking about? I have a very diversified life! I even found me defending myself... I do a lot of things, I work out, I do workout challenges with my sisters, I obsess over my food journal, I research nutrition online, I count calories... hmm maybe she had a point. I have been so focused on my weight loss that I really haven't left room in my life for anything else. Today I played in the rain - without thinking about how many calories I was burning or what nutritious meal I was going to make for lunch. The whole purpose of a healthy lifestyle is being able to live life with a a balance. I realized that in the quest of having that healthy life, mine was at the cusp of becoming exactly the opposite. Taking time to do something outside of the' weight loss" box doesn't make you less committed or have less drive, it means your taking one step closer to having what you want, BALANCE. I'm an artsy crafty person and so this weekend I'm making time to do an art project, take some time this weekend and do something that will take you out of the tunnel vision. And thank any friend you may have that loves you enough to be honest with you!

Learning to listen and creative ideas!

OK so its been a little crazy around here but I wanted to write a quick blog. Yesterday was a cardio day for me so i did an AMAZING hike that two years ago, took me 3 hours to go up and and hour and a half to come down, yesterday it took me 50min to go up and back and I STILL had energy to burn. Today I found that, after my workout and an added daily challenge, that my body felt like it wasn't challenged enough.. it needed more! I heard my body say PUSH HARDER and I listened! It felt so good knowing I have learned how to listen and respond to my bodies needs!!!

Also you may have noticed I added a chipin widget to the blog ( it lets people make contributions). I have an amazing opportunity to attend a retreat with a group of women who are on their own weight loss journeys. I am both honored and privileged to be invited to go inspire and be inspired so at this time I am working hard to raise funds to make it to this amazing retreat. I am willing to try any creative ideas you may have so please submit any ideas to alexis.mundis@gmail.com and pass it around!

Thanks!

A Birthday without an old friend

Its my birthday today and for the first time in my life, I will not be celebrating it with cake! It will be my first birthday with my new relationship with food as a fuel source and not a friend. Its a friendship I am better off without. Instead, I am recognizing all of the wonderful things my mind and body have done since my last birthday and will respect my body by giving it what it really wants and needs, the same healthy foods and workout just as i do every other day. It is however a special occasion today so I'm packing up the snorkel gear and heading to my FAVORITE snorkel place to spend the day, Just me and the fish! What a great time to reflect and relax! And if you want to celebrate my birthday with me, you'll reward your body with something healthy for it too!

Reaching My Tree

I didn't go to bed last night because I was up late talking to my sisters and got so wound up that I couldn't sleep and then I found myself awake at 4 AM thinking about this hike of mine. I was excited but more so I was anxious. I kept thinking, what if I don't make it? what if I'm just not ready? At 5, I got out of bed and went for a walk to the beach to watch the sun rise, I was hoping to clear my mind but I kept battling myself, maybe I shouldn't go, maybe I should reschedule for next weekend. When i got home to upload my sunrise pictures, my sisters had posted words of encouragement on my wall, as if they knew I needed a little push. I ate a good breakfast, packed my lunch and covered myself in 70spf sunblock ( no shade at all on the mountain). The bus dropped me off and I walked the 2 miles to get to the trail head which in itself was uphill most of the way. I put my earbuds in and just started walking. I kept my head down because I knew that if I kept looking up, I would only focus on how much longer I had to go and not how far I had already come. All of my energy just went into putting one foot in front of the other. The next thing I know, I'm at the start of the summit, my legs were on fire, my thighs felt like they had been through a war. I had already gone 1,000 steps and had 48 more to go. I wanted to finish those steps so badly that I blocked out the pain and ran the last 48. So there I was, out of breath on top of my "hill" standing in front of a tree... my tree. I asked another hiker to take my picture with the tree and as soon as they snapped it, I was taken back by a wave of emotions that flooded my body. I reached the top and started to cry it was then that I realized that those tears were self doubt leaving my body. Even the most confident of us has moments of self doubt, I was second guessing myself standing at the bottom of those steps but we cannot let it hold us back. You will never know what you can and can not do if you don't allow yourself the opportunity to try. I will never forget this day in my life and will always keep climbing more hills to reach more trees.

My tree on the hill

Days ago, I was listening to a phone call from Kristin Steede from the Biggest Loser and she was talking about her first day on the campus. She said there was a tree on a hill on the campus that she wanted walk to but she told the other contestants she couldn't make it up the hill and that it would be a LONG time until she could.. A few days later she found herself on top of that hill next to the tree that she said she couldn't reach. She then told us on the call that it was then that she realized, It wasn't those couple of hours in the gym that gave her magical strength to make it up the hill, she realized could of made it to the tree the whole time, she just told herself that she couldn't. I've thought about that tree on the hill EVERY day since she told that story and I've been thinking... how many trees on a hill do I have in my life? For so long, I've been telling myself, I can't that now I don't know how to distinguish from what I can't do and what I've told myself I can't do. There's a hill in my valley, its about 2 miles straight up and its a couple hundred stairs to climb it. I've been telling myself, I'm going to climb that hill when I've lost more weight, when I am stronger, when I'm faster. Its my own tree on a hill and tomorrow I'm going to reach it. Is it going to be hard? yep and I'll probably be sore afterwards but can I do it? I sure can! It doesn't matter if your hill is physical , emotional, financial , whatever, stop telling yourself you can't reach it and just do it... your tree is waiting for you.

So of course you know tomorrow's blog will be about my hike and I'll post pictures!!

Take time to teach!

I missed a blogging day!?!? how could that be? oh thats right, my friday was jam PACKED. I've been spending a lot of time with a friend's 8 year old grandson and last night, he asked if he could work out with me. At first, I was frustrated because I knew he was going to slow me down but as I saw him pick up his weights to do wood chops with me, I realized that the workout for him was FAR more important than it was for me. It was the perfect opportunity for me to teach him about proper way to handle weights, the importance of warming up and cooling down, and why being strong and moving your body keeps you healthy for life. He was so ready and so eager to learn and maybe, just maybe taking that opportunity to let him soak in some education will impact his life. If you have young children in your life, give them opportunities to become interested in the healthy lifestyle you have. Let them make a healthy snack or meal with you, show them some challenging exercise and let them practice and take them on walks with you and share with them why its important to be healthy and fit! Thats why I LOVE the fast that past contestants of the biggest loser have gone on to speak in schools to children and have set up programs for youth fitness camps. The more they want to know, the more they will ask and the more opportunities you will have to share with them.

An important message

SLEEP IS IMPORTANT! And because it is, I'm going to bed! Write more morrow! NITE

Updated things they don't tell you about weight loss..but should

Ok, so there are some things I wish I had known so that I would have been prepared when starting to lose weight so I think we should just get them out in the open now so no more people go without knowing.

1. When people start to notice you are losing weight, they will offer you unsolicited diet and exercise advice, everyone from friends and family ( who haven't seen a gym in their lifetime) to the checkout lady at the store... and most of it will be bad advice! Stick to what you know works for you.

2. Ladies, if you have a lot of weight to lose and you start dropping pounds, you will wake up one morning and wonder who where your boobs have gone and ask yourself how could you have misplaced them! I didn't drop cup sizes until the past 3 months when I went from a DD to a C.

3. No one looks cute working out if your doing it right. Don't waist your time fixing your hair, putting on makeup or looking for a workout outfit that makes you look good because in the end, your hair will be a mess, sweat will be running down your face and your clothing will be soaked... be proud of looking like a hot mess, its a sign of a job well done.

4. When your working out and eating right, your going to lose weight and your body shape will change. Don't rush to buy new clothing every few pounds, you'll be broke! Wait until your clothing doesn't fit properly and then only buy essentials because it won't be long before you shrink down to the next size and places like Goodwill are a great place to buy clothing cheap when your changing sizes fast!

5. No matter how much cocoa butter you lather on, its not going to shrink the extra skin you have once you've lost weight. But think of it this way, you could be healthy and have loose skin or you could be sick and overweight... not a real hard decision.

6. Cheryl from MN said One thing I've learned in the past year is that working out is tough and should be. Most of the time the next day is sometimes even hard because you're in pain. I've learned to not be afraid of the pain. It's there because you pushed yourself. It's NOT going to kill you. It's actually what's keeping you alive.

7. Ali Trier said They should tell you that just because you don't LIKE a work out doesn't mean it won't WORK. Usually the things you hate most work the BEST. = ) If I had known that, I would have ventured out to try new things sooner!

Add something to the list and I'll re post it with the additions! Either tag in a comment or email me at alexis.mundis@gmail.com

Dont forget to laugh!

First of all, let me say how much I appreciate all of the encouragement that has come from everyone, I had a major workout tonight that involved an hour walk in sand and then an impromptu 10 mile hike home, it gave me alot of time to meditate and reflect and I spend most of those 10 miles thinking about all the wonderful support we have all shared with each other. OK so I was thinking, the blog has been pretty serious and its really about time to laugh a little. I LOVE to laugh and its very healing so here's a funny story! Go ahead and share it with someone in your support group or share one of your own! Lets start laughing everyone!

Ok so Bob Harper loves unleashing the Burpee challenges on us challenge followers ( a burpee is when you drop to a push up,jump into a squat and then to a jump and reach into the air and then go back to a push up) My first burpee challenge was kind of pathetic, I was just starting out and could hardly move my body to do just one. By the time the second Burpee challenge rolled around, I was excited to hit the ground! By then I had already started to lose weight fast and my clothing was really starting to sag most notably was my ever disappearing boobs, leaving my DD cup with lots of extra room. So I warmed up by walking to my local park, stretched on the grass, cranked up the ipod and started counting 1Burpee... Two Burpee... I noticed my pants starting to creep down so I stop and pull up my pants 3 Burpee... I got to 14 and I was on my last one. I was tired but wanted to finish strong so I gave it my all on my last jump squat and thats when IT happened... I had jumped so hard that not only did my bra fail to "contain" me but my pants AND underwear were now at my ankles! I pulled up my pants so fast but it was too late, people in the park were already snickering so I just tucked my boobs back in my bra and walked home holding tight onto my pants and laughing the whole way! Have a great workout today! :0)

PS If you mention burpees on Bob's facebook page, he will make SURE that he includes a burpee challenge... just a warning! haha

The Blog I almost didn't write

This is probably the most personal blog I could write and I almost didn't write it but the past few days it seems to be a reoccurring subject that's been glazed over among my weight loss communities and I think its time to crack the silence about obesity and infertility. I've had reproductive issues for most of my life, starting at the age of 7. At 14 I was told that the odds of me ever having kids were slim. I was obese, had Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome (caused by obesity), was pre diabetic, and had high blood pressure, I was the perfect storm for infertility. My body was in crisis mode for many years and having been living in denial, instead of recognizing it, I just convinced myself I didn't want kids! Hey if I didn't want them, then it didn't matter right?!? Well that ill thinking only works as long as I never changed my mind. Everyone asks me all the time what made me want to lose weight. It wasn't because I wanted to fit designer jeans or wanted to wear a two piece, it was because I finally realized that my weight was taking away things I wanted, I want a long life, I want the freedom to move my body and at 22, I realized I wanted to be a mom some day. It wasn't until I started working on my inner compass ( read about it in Bob Harper's book Are You Ready?) that I realized that all those years of saying I didn't want kids was just me shielding myself from the consequences of being over weight. I'm no longer pre diabetic, I don't have high blood pressure and my last hormone test showed that my body is starting to regulate itself... I no longer qualify as having polycyctic ovarian syndrome. Losing weight doesn't guarantee that Ill be able to conceive but it does mean that my body will at least have the chance. There are so many women out there fighting their own battle with infertility , some win and some do not but if I'm going to fight this battle, I want to be armed with the best arsenal I have and that means having a healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle. This blog was hard for me because there seems to be alot of shame, shame about being overweight, shame about infertility and shame for being in denial for so many years. I know there are a lot of women who have gone through or are heading in this direction and if there is just one thing I can say to you is don't let fears and shame hold you back, break the silence and don't deny yourself any opportunity in life because even if you don't realize it yet, you deserve all the happiness in the world!

The Hidden Hills

So last night, I stepped on the scale, I NEVER weigh myself at night but something urged me to step on there and check it out. I was shocked to see that I had hit my first weight goal for myself. I had said I was going to to hit it by my birthday July 20th, but I did it sooner! Now it's exciting to have lost as much weight as I have but I still have another 100+ lbs to lose and I guess its been weighing on my mind. Last night I had two separate dreams and both of them went the same way. I was going about my business in a kitchen but I was cooking awful meals ( first dream it was hot dogs and baked beans with marshmallows on top.. gross... and the second one was mac and cheese with a pound of butter and a pound of bacon) and in both dreams, I ate it all, without even thinking about the consequences until AFTER I had finished eating it. I had this overwhelming sensation of fear and disappointment and then I would wake up in tears and the second time I woke up in a full blown panic attack. Is it silly to have such a strong reaction to a dream about eating food? yes and no. On one hand, I know that it was just a dream, but on the other hand I also know just how quickly all of my hard work can be reversed from careless mistakes and moments of weakness and after losing the first 100+ and still having another 100+ to go is like struggling to walk up a big hill and when you get to the top, only to realize there is a second, even bigger hill around the corner. While most people would give up before even attempting the second hill, I have something that most people do no... I have a support group of people who are on the same journey as me that encourages me along the way. When I woke up this morning, I knew I needed some words of encouragements and support and like EVERY morning, I found them waiting for me in my email box and on facebook. If there is ever one bit of advice I would give to anyone who is wanting to start a new healthy lifestyle, it is find a network of people to support you who are going through the same thing. Things can get a little rough and there are always bigger hills hiding around the corner but your support will be there to help you through it.

STOP DROP AND ROLL!

Ok, today's blog is posted here on the link and it was written by Kristen Steede. http://www.kristinsteede.com/blog/?p=167

As most of you know by now, I follow Bob Harper's daily challenges on facebook ( you should too!). This weekend challenge is complete a 10k. While its really left up to me how I want to complete it, I thought that I'd challenge myself by pledging AT LEAST half my miles be from running. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen on Bob's page messages from people saying they need bob to "kick their butts into shape" or they need him "to challenge them to work out", why wait? Don't sit around waiting for that biggest loser moment when someone comes and makes you change because that's not going to happen. Don't wait for your friends to be the ones to push you along because you could wait all your life. YOU have to challenge yourself to push harder, do better and want more in your life. Its scary, I'll admit! Its scary to ask of yourself more than you expect from yourself but don't be afraid! You can never fall short as long as you are always moving forward! For me its something I work on EVERY DAY and I hope that you do to! Have a great weekend and hope you'll join me in Bob's weekend challenge!

For myself

A friend of mine posted this on her facebook " I realized I was doing this for myself by myself!" , I couldn't haven said it better. No one can make you suceed or make you fail except yourself. If " for myself by myself" is not your motto in life, it should be!

My Secret Love Affair part 1

Up until 6 months ago, I would have never even thought there was such a thing as a relationship with food, let alone see that I had a problem with mine. It wasn't until I was doing the inner compass work in Bob Harper's book "are you ready" That I was asked about my relationship with food. At first I thought, ok Bob has lost his mind on this one, I'm supposed to have a relationship with food?!?! and then that's when it hit me that not only did I have a relationship, I
had a full blown secret love affair. My affair gave me comfort when I was anxious, made me happy when I was sad and was always there when I was feeling lonely! I learned at an early age the power of food and how it could be used to muffle emotions, so its without saying, I've been overweight ever since I was a little kid. I used to sneak food
after school when I was home alone, or out of the fridge at night time when I couldn't sleep. No matter what changed in my life, I knew food would ALWAYS be there for me. But now I was being asked to end my 22 year long affair. Breaking up is never easy, but like in real life relationships, its easier to break up when you have friends by your side supporting you. Ask yourself today, What is your relationship with food? Are you hiding a secret love affair? and are you ready for the break up? Part two, The Breakup, is comming tomorrow!

Food for Thought

The only thing I love more than creating recipes is creating HEALTHY recipes! I'm not a big fan of meat, just because I don't like the taste but I've always been too afraid to make the switch to being a vegetarian and even more so since I started losing weight but that's all changed since I've grown more comfortable with different ingredients so my recipes will be vegetarian, low calorie and VERY tasty. My favorite saying I have is "I count calories like its a religion!" And its true, I find it the best way to stay on track and keep myself accountable so you will notice that after each ingredient, I have included the individual calorie count in ( ) so its easy for you to add it to your food journal and the total calorie count at the end of the recipe. Also, I cook for myself so all of my recipes will be one serving unless I specify. Have fun trying them out and don't be afraid to add your own flare. I'd love to hear feedback and new ideas and if you have a favorite food that you want a low calorie alternative, let me know so I can see what I can come up with

Thai Noodles This is a low calorie play on Thai Peanut noodles. It is both creamy from the peanut butter ( which is also high in protein) , spicy from the cayenne and the cilantro gives it a refreshing pop. You can omit the cayenne if you don't want heat or load it up it you like a real zip to your food.

2oz whole grain linguini or spaghetti (201)

1c frozen stir fry veggies (35)

1Tbs Vegetarian stir fry sauce (25)

1Tbs peanut butter (100)

1/4 c sodium free chicken broth (3)

1 tsp cilantro (.5)

a dash of cayenne pepper

Follow directions on the box to cook your pasta.Mix peanut butter, stir fry sauce, and chicken broth until smooth. Add cayenne for heat ( you can omit). Spray a skillet with PAM and heat it on medium high. Saute the frozen veggies until cooked but not mushy. Add drained lingini and saute for a few seconds, remove pan from heat and add peanut sauce, return to low heat until warmed through. Serve with Cilantro on top. Total calories 373.5

Sweet and Sour Black Eyed Peas I live in Hawaii so I'm surrounded by a lot of Asian influence and as a former lover of sweet and sour chicken, I wanted a vegetarian answer that gave me the same flavors without the meat and calories! I use spiced vinegar in this recipe because I like alittle heat and the added flavor, its just vinegar with chillies and garlic marinated in it and can be found usually in the Asian isle but you can use white vinegar. This one will please even the pickiest of eaters!

1/2c cooked black eyed peas (126) *note, I use dried beans and cook them ahead of time. If you use canned, look for low sodium and drain and rinse your beans before using them to cook with* 1/4c fresh pineapple (19)

1/4c onion (17)

1/4c peppers (4)

1/2Tbs Spiced vinegar (0)

Heat up a saute pan sprayed with PAM on high. Saute pineapple, onion and peppers for a few min. ( I like my veggies a little crunchy because it adds nice texture but you can make it as crispy or soft as you like) Add black eyed peas to the pan. Add vinegar at very end and serve! Total Calories 166

Home Made Fat Free Greek Yogurt

I've fallen in love with greek yogurt thanks to Bob Harper's master list of foods. Its higher in protein , high in flavor low in calories and can be used for a million and one different ways ( recipes to follow) but its expensive so after some research, I found I can make my own and now you can too! You will need to start your yogurt with store bought that already has the live cultures.

1 small container of fat free greek yogurt ( in the yogurt isle) 1 Quart of Fat Free milk

Cheese cloth ( can be bought in most stores, just ask!)

a bowl

colander

plastic wrap

Pour the milk into a pot and heat it until it gets ready to boil {you will see steam} remove from heat! In a small bowl mix two table spoons of greek yogurt with two tablespoons of the hot milk, mix and then stir into pot of milk. Pour milk mix into a clean bowl and cover the bowl with plastic wrap. Now here is where you have some options. If you live in a hot area and it is warm in your home, then wrap the bowl in towels to keep it warm, if you use air conditioning, live in a cool location or it gets cool overnight, then turn your oven onto the warm setting. either way, you just want to keep your milk warm so that the cultures can grown and turn your milk into yogurt! Let it sit overnight. In the morning, place the cheese cloth in a colander and then pour your yogurt into the cloth. Don't worry it will be runny, let the yogurt sit in the colander for 2 hours to let the whey run out . This will make your yogurt thick! If you like it real thick, let it sit longer. After you drained it, place it in a clean container with a paper towel on top to soak up any whey left over and keep it refrigerated. It seems like alot of steps but it's really not, the total amount of work you put into it is about 10 min. just don't forget to save 2 Tbs of your homemade yogurt for your next batch. Calories 60 per 1/2 cup

The Courage to Find Inspiration in Ourselves

Its easy to forget how far you've come. I had two reminders yesterday that were like a slap in the face. On my way home from snorkeling, I was carrying all my gear, a wet bathing suit and a soaked towel - its weight adding up to 35lbs. Carrying it at first was no problem, but 15min. into the walk, I began to feel an all too familiar feeling, my lower back was feeling pressure, I was starting to breath heavy and my feet were starting to cramp and just as I got onto the front lawn and dumped all of it on the ground. As soon as I felt the relief of that weight hitting the ground, it hit me that just a month or two ago, I was carrying that weight on me 24/7! Later on last night, after an intense workout, I was resting my very sore body while playing around on my computer. I stumbled on a picture of me 6 months ago ( up in the right ), right before I changed my life and I have to tell you, I was shocked, at how uncomfortable I looked and amazed at how different I am today. And then I felt something I've never felt about myself, inspiration. I've never been able to see myself in a positive enough light to find it within me, I always sought others for it. I dare you have the courage to seek inspiration from your own self journey. Never forget how far you have come, be it 5 lbs, 30lbs , 130lbs or just making the decision to start a new healthy life. Each step is a step forward and eventually, you will get to where you want to go!

5lbs in 5 days challenge

This week is a week of refocusing myself . I said 5 lbs in 5 days and so far so good. Whats the point you ask? Well I've realized that I'm not pushing myself hard enough in my workouts. I'm getting to that place where the things that used to be hard are now easy and I got really comfortable in the now easier workouts because I earned it right? WRONG! Its called a WORKout because you need to WORK. Today I've been burning mad calories, I did 2 hours of swimming in the ocean and am just getting ready to go for a run. This week is less about the actual lbs, and more about remembering the commitment I made to myself and testing my new limits. Who's ready to test theirs?

My First Blog!

Ok so after some encouragement from others, I decided to start my own blog about my weight loss journey and its only fitting to start off by telling my story. I've been overweight all my life. I've always been surrounded by lots of friends growing up, mostly because of my quick wit... or smart mouth.... but that didn't mean I came out of childhood unscathed by my weight. I took 20 pills a day, ani-inflammatory, arthritis medication, pre diabetes pills, blood pressure medication and medication for Lupus all at the ripe age of 21. I didn't think my weight was an issue, not even in college. It had gone up and down, from year to year 10 lbs up, 15 down, 20 up and so on until I moved to Hawaii after graduation in Aug. 07. I had lost 25lbs in a matter of months without really trying. In feb. I went on a 6 month long campaign tour for the Presidential campaign that was stressful to say the least. I slept little and ate alot and smoked like a hay stack! I gained back the 25lbs I had lost real quickly and it was about to get worse. At the end of the campaign, I was in a really bad car accident. For once in my life my size worked to my advantage because I was too fat to be thrown through the window! I suffered a bang on the head, two broken ribs, a broken foot, glass all over my body and 18 staples and 13 stitches in my left arm. I was luck to be alive but in pretty bad shape. I spent months in bed at home in PA, at first because I really did need to recover and then because I had become so depressed, I didn't want to get out of bed. In a matter of 4 months I packed on 35lbs. None of my already big clothing fit me, I spent my days in sweat pants and pajama shirts. Now I'm always been a fan of the Biggest Loser and most importantly, of Bob Harper and like many other years, I gathered every BL night with my chips and soda and mounds full of dinner on my plate to watch other people work out. I had always wished I could do what they did but I had never seen any woman close to my size on the show. Then came Kristin Steede (check out her blog, its my favorite! www.kristinsteede.com). A remarkable and inspiring woman who made me think, if she can do it, maybe I can too! I went to a boarders and bought Bob Harper's book 'Are you ready" Sat in a park and started reading. I did everything he had asked, I knew I was ready to change my life. I changed everything I ate. Only fresh fruits veggies, grains and proteins . And counted calories like it was a religion. I food journaled on mytrainerbob.com and started walking 3 times a week. Weight started coming off, each day another lb, then a few more. As I become comfortable in my new lifestyle, I started walking more and more, doing every daily challenge from Bob's website and weight started to fly off. I knew I wanted to move back to Hawaii so I packed up and moved back a month ago and have really kicked up my workouts. the work has paid off because I've lost over 100 lbs in 6 months! I work out as a way to reward myself, eat to fuel myself and love every healthy choice I make. I'm doing so well in my weight loss, I wanted to start blogging to share my new found healthy life with other people. I love to cook so I'll be posting some of my best recipes and encourage everyone to share their story, ideas and questions. Ok the next blog will be alot shorter, I promise!