Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Blog I almost didn't write
This is probably the most personal blog I could write and I almost didn't write it but the past few days it seems to be a reoccurring subject that's been glazed over among my weight loss communities and I think its time to crack the silence about obesity and infertility. I've had reproductive issues for most of my life, starting at the age of 7. At 14 I was told that the odds of me ever having kids were slim. I was obese, had Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome (caused by obesity), was pre diabetic, and had high blood pressure, I was the perfect storm for infertility. My body was in crisis mode for many years and having been living in denial, instead of recognizing it, I just convinced myself I didn't want kids! Hey if I didn't want them, then it didn't matter right?!? Well that ill thinking only works as long as I never changed my mind. Everyone asks me all the time what made me want to lose weight. It wasn't because I wanted to fit designer jeans or wanted to wear a two piece, it was because I finally realized that my weight was taking away things I wanted, I want a long life, I want the freedom to move my body and at 22, I realized I wanted to be a mom some day. It wasn't until I started working on my inner compass ( read about it in Bob Harper's book Are You Ready?) that I realized that all those years of saying I didn't want kids was just me shielding myself from the consequences of being over weight. I'm no longer pre diabetic, I don't have high blood pressure and my last hormone test showed that my body is starting to regulate itself... I no longer qualify as having polycyctic ovarian syndrome. Losing weight doesn't guarantee that Ill be able to conceive but it does mean that my body will at least have the chance. There are so many women out there fighting their own battle with infertility , some win and some do not but if I'm going to fight this battle, I want to be armed with the best arsenal I have and that means having a healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle. This blog was hard for me because there seems to be alot of shame, shame about being overweight, shame about infertility and shame for being in denial for so many years. I know there are a lot of women who have gone through or are heading in this direction and if there is just one thing I can say to you is don't let fears and shame hold you back, break the silence and don't deny yourself any opportunity in life because even if you don't realize it yet, you deserve all the happiness in the world!
7 comments:
WOW ALEXIS! This was amazing. THANK you, first of all, for SHARING! I know how hard that must have been! For so many years I wanted to hide my fat by not talking about it. Now that I am getting it out there, I feel so embarassed that the people on my facebook page will be thinking about it if I talk about it. What I dont realize is that they were ALREADY thinking about it before (if they choose to think about that stuff, anyway) and me talking about it gives ME THE POWER! = ) hehe So anyway, this blog was fascinating, and true, and SO INCREDIBLY HONEST. Thank you for that.
Thank you for your honesty, I hope your dreams come true! You are awesome! :) XOXO
Oh my gosh, Alexis. This rings true to me in ways you cannot imagine, although I have never been diagnosed with anything that would lead me to believe I am infertile, I know I couldn't physically take the weight gain of a pregnancy. This is one of the biggest reasons I am getting rid of this weight too. My husband wants kids so badly and although I can't say that I genuinely want children just yet I know that day will be just around the corner. One of my friends was my size when she got pregnant and she had so many health issues and we were worried for her life. She ended up with a blood clot in her lungs and severe gall stones. It was just so scary for both she and the baby.
We are doing the right thing, Alexis. You are so brave to put this post out there. It's really a scary thing to talk about, but I positively adore you for doing so. It makes me feel better to know that there is someone else out there in my same shoes.
You are fabulous. Keep up the amazing work, Alexis and these great posts. Have a beautiful day in Hawaii! *jealous* ; )
Oh Alexis, You said everything I feel! That is exactly one of the reasons I want to lose this weight. I do daycare and having a daycare baby is so different from having your own. So sweetie, you are not the only one! There is someone out here that knows exactly the struggles you are going through!
Thank you for blogging - it touched my heart and one of my besties suffers from PCOS and I forwarded your blog on to her. I am also in the battle to lose weight and at 60lbs lost I am not only half way there but I am winning the battle! Thank you for your transparency and truth! Check out my blog sometime.... It's also about weight loss and my struggles with faith. Thank you again for sharing!
This brings me back to my senior year in high school when you talked about some of this in our speech and creative writing class. I remember how passionately you spoke and the tears that ended your speech. I know how hard it is for you to share this and I'm proud of you!
Thank you for writing this post Alexis. Thank you for being brutally honest and open so not only you can get if off your chest, but possibly some others could get freed too. I've never been diagnosed with any of these, in fact, my whole life I've had a "Clean Bill of Health" given back to me from doctors as they avoided the "elephant in the room" so to speak - no pun intended. I have been overweight since I was probably 5 and I convinced myself that since no one else was really bringing it to my attention, I had friends, I had boyfriends, I was a social butterfly - it must not be a REAL issue because I didn't fight the physical and social battles that many other overweight teens faced. WRONG! Thank you thank you for sharing. One of the top 3 reason I want to lose weight is because I hope to have kids one day. I wrote a post awhile back about "convincing" myself my weight was okay.
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