NYNL - I haven't forgot!

So I know I didn't post my weight this weekend, its been crazy around here with the knee and all. Things are going well, I've been working hard and finding ways to burn calories. I hopped around a native plants nursery on crutches for 3 hours and it was a blast! I also have been doing lots of crunches... loads of them haha Food has been good, I've been extra careful about what I'm eating. Today was my high calorie day, I had fresh made poi from my new friend at the nursery... if you've ever made poi, you'd know what a labor intensive process it is because you have to pick the taro, harvest the root, clean cook and peel it, then pound it and I felt honored that he gave me some... ok enough about my new nursery friend!! I also had a piece of salmon Poke that was Ono'licious! I could have eaten a whole thing of it but instead I just had one bite. High calorie days for me are not about having a free for all, they are about allowing myself a day of food that I wouldn't normally eat within a 2000-1800 calorie range but I still keep my choices healthy and nutritious. My body still needs to function and it cannot function on crap! Fruits, veggies, whole grains and lean proteins - life is good when you keep it simple. I'm going to miss having all these wonderful fruits and veggies right in my back yard year round... I think I'm missing Hawaii before I've even left!

My Knee

ok everyone so a month ago, I injured my knee doing 2 ft step ups, I iced it, rested it and did everything I was supposed to do. I built back up to my regular workout program and yes I probably rushed it a little because of events that were going on at the time and I was pushing extra hard to be ready for the half marathon November 8th. I wanted to have my best running time! Flash forward to last night, I finished work at 6pm, changed into my running clothes, put in my nike+chip and started running and was feeling great. 4 miles into my 10 mile run my knee gives out and I feel SNAP with a rush of pain, I tried walking it off but after three steps I knew that this was not a "walk it off" kinda moment. Fortunately, I was only a few streets away from home so I hobbled into the house and got ice right away. 20min. I went to the ER because I knew my knee was beyond just ice. The Staff at Kapiolani Women's hospital were SO SOO SOOOO amazing. My nurse is a marathon runner and everyone was so compassionate and on their A game in that ER. Unfortunatly the news they had to give me was not so great. I have a torn ligament and need to go see a specialist about getting it repaired. I am on no weight baring restrictions. I have crutches and a knee stabilizer and there will be no running in my life for a really long time. They said once I get it looked at, they can give me a better idea but said don't plan on running for the rest of the year. While it sucks... BIG TIME... I still am on a weight loss journey and I still have a long way to go. This is just a little bump in the road... I may not be able to run or walk or swim right now but that just means I'm going to have to get creative! I'll keep everyone updated and thank you so much for all the well wishes and encouragement!

Recipes as Promised

Don't worry, there is more to come but let me just put out there as a reminder for anyone who wasn't around for the first round of recipes, I have included the calorie count in () for each ingredient. All of my recipes are one serving until I state otherwise in the serving size. I do not cook with salt but with LOTS of flavor so try it without the salt first and then season later if you want to. I eat vegetarian so my recipes use tofu, you can sub most of the tofu for meat but you will have to change the calorie count. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO COOK WITH SPICES AND HERBS! If you haven't touched yours in the last 6 months, throw it out because its old and has lost most of its flavor. There is no reason to be eating bland food! If you think its pricey, think of it this way, the money you would have been spending on processed flavor cover ups like ketchup, mustard, salad dressings, FF mayo, you are now investing in spices to make your food actually taste better, not cover it up! I have more recipes coming and am always looking for new challenges so if you have a favorite food that you want a low calorie nutrient dense alternative, let me know and I'll take it on as a project!! Happy healthy clean eating everyone! Dill Quinoa Salad 1c cooked quinoa"follow box for cooking directions (254) 1tsp EVOO (40) 2Tbs apple cider vinegar (2) 2Tbs chopped onion (5) 1/4tsp dill 1/4tsp garlic powder (1) 1/4c low fat Fetta Cheese (60) 1/4c tomato (8) 2c romaine lettuce ( 14) Mix evoo, vinegar dill onion and some cracked pepper in a bowl, add quinoa mix, add tomatoes mix, add cheese mix. Serve over romaine lettuce! Eat right away or let it sit overnight! You can add other veggies like olives, artichoke hearts, capers, peppers or whatever you want just adjust the calories! Quinoa is a grain that is also a complete protein to it serves as both your protein ( along with the fetta) and as your whole grain! You can find it in your regular grocery store or at any wholefoods or trader joes! Serving size - 1 Total calories 384 Wasabi mashed cauliflower 1 cup cauliflower(28) 1Tbs plain greek Yogurt (12) 1/2Tbs Fat free milk (4.5) 1/2tsp Wasabi paste (2) Boil 1 cup cauliflower Drain and mash Whip in 1Tbs plain greek Yogurt, 1/2Tbs Fat free milk and 1/2tsp Wasabi paste. Add more milk if you want a thinner consistency Serving size - 1 Total Calories- 46.5 Tofu Pancake batter 3oz silken soft or firm tofu (45) 1 slice low carb whole grain bread (35) 1 egg ( 70) Add slice of bread to food processor and pulse into crumbs. Add tofu and egg and blend until a smooth batter. Add seasoning and adjust calories if you add fruit. Heat a nonstick skillet sprayed with Pam. Pour batter in pan, allow it to set and flip! Serving size - 1 Total Calories 150 For a sweet pancake season with Cinnamon, nutmeg, clove or even fruit like blueberries or banana - Top with fruit or yogurt for a high protein breakfast. For savory pancake, add garlic and onion powder, chili pepper, peprika, dill, Mrs. dash... sky's the limit - Try topping them with grilled veggies or meat ( chicken onions peppers and a tbs of BBQ sauce is one of my favorites but now I skip the chicken!) Steamed Garlic Ginger tofu and broccoli 3oz extra firm tofu ( 45) 2 garlic cloves ( 5) 1Tbs fresh ginger ( 2) 2c broccoli (60) Press extra firm tofu to drain liquid. Dice 2 gloves of garlic and 1 tbs of fresh ginger into a paste ( don't be afraid to buy fresh ginger, cut off what you need and freeze the rest in a ziplock bag.) Cube your tofu and add to a bowel. Toss with ginger , garlic and pepper and let marinate - at least an hour but if you have time leave it over night. Add 2cups broccoli to a ziplock steam bag place tofu on top. Place on high in the microwave for 8 min. and then eat! To make a complete meal, try making bulgar wheat with your meal instead of brown rice. bulgar wheat is less processed, higher in protein and more nutrient dense than brown rice! You can also sub chicken for tofu, just be sure to change the calorie counts and cooking time! Serving size- 1 Total Calories - 112 Creamy black rice with wild mushrooms 1/4c black sticky rice ( 180) 1/2c dehydrated mushrooms (20) 2 laughing cow lite cheese wedges ( 70) Soak dehydrated mushrooms in water for 2 hours and save the liquid! Rinse and drain 1/4c of rice. Add 3/4c of the liquid to a pot with the rice, cover and boil until rice is tender. Dice hydrated mushrooms and add to cooked rice. Add two laughing cow galric and herb lite cheese wedges to the pot and stir. SUBSTITUTIONS FOR THIS - This one you will need a trader joes or an asian market for dehydrated wild mushrooms. Check your yellow pages for the closes asian market to find "black sweet rice" or "black sticky rice" which is the same thing. If you can't find it, then substitute brown rice. If you cannot find dehydrated wild mushrooms, get fresh ones, you only need a cup of diced fresh mushrooms - cook them in the pan before making the rice. Serving size - 1/2 cup Calories per serving Spicy almonds I get tired of the same old almonds over and over so I started playing around with the spices and came up with these yummy combos that add a pick me up to stir frys, snacks salads and soups! Heat skillet on high. Mix your spices ahead of time. place almonds in the hot pan, quickly spray the almonds with Pam to coat them evenly. Sprinkle seasoning on the almonds. Stir the almonds quickly to make sure they do not burn. You will be able to smell the nuts getting warm and you will smell your seasoning - thats when you take the pan off the stove and let the almonds cool. Store them in a ziplock bag. Make lots of small batches until you find what flavors you like, you can even turn it into a family competition on who can come up with the best/most unique flavor combos! You can make ANY mix you want to flavor your almonds, these are some of my favorites so just play around with them until you find what you like. Paprika, garlic powder, onion powder and Cayenne pepper with a dash of Mrs Dash Cayenne pepper and Cinnamon Rosemary, garlic powder and Thyme Cinnamon, clove and nutmeg Garlic and onion power, chili powder And garlic powder, ginger powder and Chinese 5 spice!

NYNL- 34lbs to go!

I lost 6lbs in 4 days WOOHOO!! I know some of it is water weight from a the crap food i had scarfed down the weekend before but I'll take it! 34lbs to go!!!!

NYNL - The Weight of the Scale

Now I weigh myself EVERY day so I know there will be no surprises. I know everyone has their own opinion on how often you should weigh yourself, i like knowing EXACTLY where I am each day... now having said that I must make something very clear about my life in the past 3 months. I have developed a full blown obsession with the scale. My morning routine consists of waking up and stepping on the scale, going to the bathroom then stepping on the scale, getting in the shower then stepping on the scale, eating breakfast then... yep, stepping on the scale. That was JUST from 7am-8am. Throughout the day, any chance I get, I will go weigh myself, before lunch, after lunch, when I come home from work, before I leave for work. And I'm not just talking about hopping on the scale, I go full blown strip down, weigh myself, get dressed and then leave. I knew it was overboard but I didn't identify it as unhealthy until I went away for a weekend and realized two things. First, I thought about weighing myself so much that every where i went, i asked if they had a scale ( I even went to Target, unwrapped a scale, took off my shoes in the store and weighed myself) and Second if it wasn't a "problem" then why did i feel the need to hide it from everyone? It didn't take long at all to go from the woman who avoided the dr's at all costs just because I knew they would want to weigh me to a woman who couldn't stand the thought of not knowing how much I weighed. I knew that people with food addictions have compulsive tendencies. I know , even though I was not raised with the presence of my father, that he and his side of the family all suffer from drug and alcohol addictions and on my mom's side, pretty much everyone has an eating issue or a smoking issue ( some have BOTH) so what I'm saying is I come from a long line of people with addictive behaviors. I also know that its really common for people to move from one compulsion to the next... I just never saw my scale as my new addiction until now. I know I must set limits for myself, just like I do with my food. I know how much food I can allow myself to eat and i know when its time to eat and when its not. Now I must use the same rules for my scale. I can weigh myself every morning ... once! I then am putting my scale away for the day until the next morning. It might sound silly to have to make a PLAN to put away a scale but whats not silly is how fast this unhealthy habit has crept into life. I am 100% committed to living a healthy life and that means, for me, a life not controlled by addiction. I have a long way to go and it seems like every day i take one step in the right direction, my list of things I need to work on grows by ten. I guess the good out of it all is as long as I keep moving forward, eventually I will get to where I wanna be.

NYNL- a Gift for myself

Today I work a double shift woohoo...not! I am just about to cook my lunch and dinner to take with me. I've decided that I am going to pick Sunday as my weigh in day and I'll be taking a pic of the scale to show my progress ( thanks gayle) I weigh myself everyday so I can already tell you this week is going to be HUGE numbers. I started my weight loss journey at 426 lbs. I started this Challenge at 266 and I will end it at 226. Today has been about preparing for me, preparing my body for a long day, preparing my meals to keep on track and preparing my mind to stay focused on where I need to keep my thoughts right now. Having a lot of time to think at work often leads to me getting distracted by the drama in life and today I am making a commitment to myself to not let my mind go there. Today I am giving myself the gift of freedom from thoughts of doubt. What gift can you give yourself today?

NYNL - first post Taking Back the Control

This challenge is not just about weight loss for me, its about working through the "stuff" that is in my way right now of succeeding so my posts are not only going to be about my food and workouts, but also about the emotional workouts I'll be doing along the way. Today is day one of the challenge and my food has been spot on, i'm even back on track recording everything in my food journal at mytrainerbob.com, something I had drifted away from. I sat down yesterday and did some number crunching. I calculated my basic metabolic rate - the calories I eat and that is my calorie deficit without working out. I then figured out on average how many lbs I needed to lose per a week to reach my goal X 3500 because thats how many cals in a lb. then subtracted my BMR calorie deficit and that told me exactly how many calories I need to burn in my workouts... i know it sounds a little complicated but its really not. This gave me a good starting place for where I need to be shooting for daily. So now I am back to having a daily plan. I seek comfort in knowing that I have a direction to move towards. Today I have been doing a lot of thinking about the past. Somewhere in my life, I learned that your past had to dictate everything you did in your future and for the first time today, I realized that it does not! Because I made mistakes in the past does not mean I must make the same mistakes in the future, because I was a bad friend in the past does not mean I need to be a bad friend in the future, because I had low standards for myself in the past does not mean I need to keep those standards in my future. And the best part about it is that yesterday is my past, the beginning of this blog is my past, EVERY second we are given the opportunity to start over. Its just a matter of us taking that opportunity and moving forward or ignoring it and waisting time dwelling on things you cannot change or do over. I have the opportunity to learn from the past but not let it dictate my future and my future is now. It is a powerful place to be in when you decide to take control of all aspects of your life, not just one or two and so today I am celebrating taking back the control in my own life.

New Year New Life Challenge!

After a rough few weeks, I am back to being focused on what really matters in life, me! 48 hours ago I was convinced that life as i knew it had ended and yet I woke up yesterday morning thinking... and thats a bad thing why?!!? I cannot have the life I thought i wanted when I was 426lbs because that life and that way of thinking no longer fits my reality and waking up embracing and not fighting those changes made me realize just how far I have come. It also got me to thinking about where I want to go in the future. I want a lot for myself and I can have all of it if I let myself. There is more to this than just weight loss, there is more to this than changing pant sizes or eating habits, I'm changing my life and am just now starting to recognize it in areas I had previously ignored. Having said that, I am 40 lbs away from hitting the 200lb weight loss mark. I don't even remember when I lost my first 100, I didn't celebrate it or mark it down on the calendar or even share it with my friends and family. Reaching the 200lb mark in itself is enough to celebrate but what I am really looking forward to is celebrating my start at finding myself and embracing my new life. I have challenged myself to lose 40lbs by Jan. 1st so that I can celebrate my new life, my new milestone with the New Year. I've been really bad at allowing others into my life to support me and I want everyone to know that I accept your encouragement and support and ask that you join me to celebrate. I will keep everyone up to date on my progress on my blog and hope that you take time to challenge yourself now too. It feels good to be back to where I need to be and I look forward to my future!

Here's to a path of self discovery, a path to a healthy life and embracing all that life has!

Searching for Pono

There is a hawaiian word Pono that means the balance in life that we should strive for. When things are Pono in your life, you live in balance with yourself and others... I am in need of Pono. I used to think that living my life in balance meant that I got everything I wanted all at once and THAT was balance. That I'd have the right job, the right friends and that everything would be just the way I wanted it. That is not balance, that is having everything you want. Being in balance is being ok with the things that are not how you want them and working to make them better. Balance is not when I put myself on one end of the scale and everything else on the other side and try and make them level out, balance is when I put myself in the center and put everything else underneath me and if it supports me, I keep it, if not, I get rid of it. Balance should NOT be a daily struggle for me, if it is, its because of myself not because of life. I choose to keep and get rid of what I feel I need and do not need - be it food, habits, relationships and invest my time in improving the things that I want to work on like a career, finances and health. There is just only so much I can control and what I do control I need to make sure I am defining it properly. Had I not realized that I was waisting my time looking for a "balance" that does not exist, I woulda spent the rest of my life searching for Pono instead of living in Pono. Today I stopped searching and started living.

The Starvation Diet for Toxic Friends

I asked the question "Why do we keep toxic people in our lives?" its a question thats been on my mind for awhile now and I think I've come up with a pretty good answer so this is my response... i think we keep them around because we find a false sense of self worth through them. they are usually the people who "need" a therapist, a dumping ground, a friend of convenience. They can spot us a mile away, As people who often care about others more than we care about ourselves, they know we will place their needs above ours and they drain us mentally, physically and emotionally. When you've got nothing left to give them, they move on. They are the friend who comes into your life as quickly as they move out, the friend that leaves you feeling like you can never give them enough, the friend who leaves you guessing on where you stand with them on a day to day basis, the friend that demands your full attention at every waking moment and yet lacks the time for you. We've all had them in our lives, some more than others. I am the first to admit that i've had quite a few of these toxic people and the only way in the past that I got rid of them is when they've taken all they can and move on. I've defended them up to the very last second despite the damage they have caused and in the end, promised myself I'd never fall for it again only to find myself making the same mistakes. I never knew what it would take to rid myself of these people until now and the answer has nothing to do with them and everything to do with ourselves. The process to finding self worth is not easy and it does not happen over night. I've been building my foundation for awhile now and only recently has the 'cement' settled and hardened to let me start building up. I've realized that i felt a false sense of worth in spinning my tires with these people but it is a waist of time when my energy could be spent on my own happiness. Their need to "feed" on my insecurities is their own problem and I am no longer willing to keep feeding them. I'm putting the toxic people in my life on a starvation diet so they have no choice but to move on. My self worth is no longer measured in how much of myself I can give others but rather how much of myself I can give me. Find your self worth within you and put those toxic friends on a starvation diet. Forgive yourself for allowing you to be used and move on. Its ok to have pity on those who will starve, just don't feed them! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkIytHD5v9c

My garden deserves flowers too

This Blog is in response to a blog posted by Kristin Steede http://www.kristinsteede.com/blog/2009/10/04/oppsi-did-it-again/#comments

Why do we always find the time to tend to everyone Else's garden and let everything in our own wither away? I am a CONSTANT tender of everyone Else's garden. I try and solve every one's problems, check in on my friends daily if not even hourly, and go out of my way to make sure everyone is happy but I can't say I've ever done the same for myself. Yes, I think a lot of it has to do with avoidance. If I'm distracted by everyone Else's needs and trying to fulfill them, then I don't have to be concerned with the problems in my own life. I struggle with seeing myself as worthy of my own time. I'd bend over backwards and move mountains for anyone in my life and I've taken it on as a full time job to be friend/therapist/business entrepreneur/ weight loss coach/ personal motivator/ problem solver to everyone. There are a lot of things 8 months ago I could never have said I felt worthy of that now I can but I'd be lying if I said i could make that a blanket statement in my life. I'm 23 years old and 5 days ago for the first time in my life,I said out loud that my happiness was now a priority in my life. What a huge eye opener it was at how low I had valued myself when just simply saying" I am choosing to put myself first" was both painful and uncomfortable. Its not easy and by no means is it any more comfortable but I do know this, I am worth a lot more in life and worth spending a lot more time tending to my own garden. I'm tired of watching everyone else's flowers in life bloom and being disappointed that mine are not... you want a flower to grow, you need to water it and take care of it. I want to grow as a person, I need too spend time tending to me and my needs. My garden deserves flowers too and now its up to me to grow them. I look forward to MANY beautiful flowers in my future!

Embrace You

I know I've been bad at blogging lately but i've been reinspired to keep writing. There's something odd going on in my life, a constant undercurrent of discontentment and for the longest time, I kept telling myself that there was something wrong with me. I mean losing weight and trying to live a healthy lifestyle is supposed to bring about happiness right? so then why do I find myself ALWAYS searching, always feeling like there is somewhere to be moving to, some void needing to be filled. Its something that has been on my mind for weeks now and it really wasn't until a long walk under a full moon that it all really made sense to me. Was there something wrong with me? Could it be that I am incapable of being satisfied with my life? The truth of what is happening is farthest from what I initially thought. Life before weight loss i learned to settle for a lot of things included sub par standards for myself, less then adequate happiness and unmeasurable amounts of self confidence. Its from years of not seeing my self worth, believing I deserved less and not knowing the difference. So why am I always searching now at a time of my life when I'm on top of my game? SIMPLE, because I stopped settling. I've reached a point in this process of self discovery that comes with the weight loss where my life now no longer resembles the life I had before and with each new lesson, each new discovery, I evolve as a person. With each new phase in my life has come higher standards, higher expectations for my mind, my body and my spirit. Am I in a constant state of discontent? NO, I simply learned to recognize new areas in my life that need improvement and work to improve them and the stronger I get in mind body and soul, the higher I set my standards for myself and my happiness. Don't be afraid of evaluating your own standards in life, embrace each phase of self discovery and celebrate the moments when you no longer settle for less.

Today I am struggling, today I am fighting

Today I am struggling with food, I've been stressed out and if there is one HUGE trigger for me, its stress. To add on top of it, I am in the middle of a full blow Lupus flair up which has me sick, exhausted and in pain. My mind is telling me that i need to eat to pull up my energy because thats what I've conditioned it to do, to respond to the energy level but its the lupus that has me drained, not low calorie counts. And to add on top of that, i am on steroids that throw your hunger switch on and won't release it... Everything in my head is telling me to act on the impulse to eat. Today is going to be a full blown all out bloody battle that even I am not sure I will win but I do know it will be a battle I will fight. Never let your circumstances become your excuses and NEVER EVER give up the fight.