After what seemed like months of just not putting in the effort I finally got my groove back. Back to eating the way I need to, back to working out the way I need to. I feel like my fire's been lit again and its all because I failed! Yep I failed! A few weeks ago I ordered Bob Harper's new workout DVDs. I've been dying to try them and couldn't wait for them to come, Like a kid waiting for Santa. I haven't consistently put in the workouts in months ( besides marathon training), here and there I would hit a streak of swimming or the occasionally dusting off of the BL bootcamp DVD. I went for weeks of not counting or tracking my calories and even went for days eating the "Phelps Diet" haha and it never occurred to me that there was a problem because I wasn't gaining weight. Well I'd gain 2 lbs and then lose them and then gain a few more and then lose them right away. It was a comfortable lifestyle eating whatever I wanted, doing whatever I wanted. In case if your wondering- this is not the failure part!
Flash forward to 3 weeks ago when I was sidelined at training because of a hip injury. I had a conversation with one of my team mates who's lost 65lbs but was finding herself much in the same spot I was and she told me she's decided to go back to the nutritionist because she " realized that she is no longer comfortable at that weight and it was time to change that" I thought to myself good for her and that was the end of that conversation.
That brings me back to my Bob DVD's... after so much anticipation, they finally arrived and I could not wait to try them out. ( For those of you who do not know, I am an avid supporter in Bob Harper, not because of The Biggest Loser but because his book " ARE YOU READY" is what started me on my journey and his emphasis on health as a whole -mind body and spirit is what has made me the person I am today) Any who, I stretched, tore open the packages and popped in a DVD called simply enough STRENGTH... "your going to die-with weights" would have been a more fitting title.
In the beginning Bob looks straight into the camera with his steel eyes and says " Its no longer about what you want, its about what you need" That phrase hit my heart like a lightning bolt. I was so stunned by it that I stood there unable to press play, puzzled by why what he said stopped me dead in my tracks. When I finally did start the DVD I lasted an entire 15 min. in the hour long workout. At the end of 15 min. I couldn't go anymore and I quit. I knew quitting was failing but it was very clear to me that my choices to not workout has left me weak, it has left my core weak, my upper body weak and most importantly it has left my mind weak. I sat on the floor and I kept hearing what my teammate said about her own weight loss journey " I'm no longer comfortable where I'm at and it was time to change it"
I quickly realized that I was no longer comfortable in this lifestyle I've adopted of counting calories when I wanted to, eating healthy if I wanted to, working out if I wanted to. And that's when I realized why I was so shocked at Bob's intro to the DVD. For months I've been doing what I want to do. A part of it has come from cockiness, knowing that if I WANTED to lose more weight, I could. Part of it came from being in an unstructured environment and the rest, simply just laziness.
That moment sitting on the floor, failing to even make the half way point on a workout DVD I knew it was no longer about what I wanted, it was what I needed. I am happy so say that I have been giving myself everything I NEED this week and it feels so great! Its like you forget how great you can feel when everything is in balance with each other. And when I felt temptation creeping up on me in at the bakery with all the fresh bread, I find it so much easier to keep on walking when I tell myself " Its not about what I want, its about what I need!" When you listen to yourself and give yourself what you need, everything else falls into place. Trust the process and remember that its no longer about what you want, its about what you need... even if what you need is to fail!